So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
