I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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