I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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