I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
