OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
