I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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