well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
