when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
