blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
