Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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