look no pants
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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