ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
