If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
