3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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