so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You ruined the universe
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
