hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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