Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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