i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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