you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
