Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
