remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
