apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
