he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
