Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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