i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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