Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
why do cheetos always look like penises
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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