So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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