be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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