so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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