woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
