I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
