WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
