Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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