Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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