I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have fence marks all over my body
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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