I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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