I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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