Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
