and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Randomize
