I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
