Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
