Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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