so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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