I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
