I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
