I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
