We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
