Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
