you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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