I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
