He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
