Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
