I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
