I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
