and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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