I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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