shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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