You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
