I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
