Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
