Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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