why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
