piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
