she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
