Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
