APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
